Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I couldn't hold it in any longer

Hahaha I really like the above picture! I had to post it here.  I should be at the gym on the treadmill, for not only physical health, but for mental health too.  Running is my therapy.  I usually can keep what bothers me held inside and take it out either on the pavement or treadmill.  Today I was unsuccessful with that.
I watched the morning news this morning and there was a segment on weddings.  Basically the segment captured a mother/daughter moments on the daughters wedding day.  There should of been a warning prior to this segment. "If your mother was more of an ass than a mom on your wedding day, do not watch next segment. Change channel immediately.  If you do not, you will cry and eat a whole bag of candy or worse yet, eat the candy you got your husband for Valentine's Day"!  Yeah no such warning was given. hahaha
My wedding day was the best day of my life and also one of the most hurtful days too.  Talk about two extreme emotions going on at one time, on the same day!  I didn't have a mom on my wedding day.  Instead I had a hateful mother who acted like she didn't want to be at our wedding.  She didn't even congratulate me, tell me I looked pretty, and didn't not want to participate in being any pictures on her daughters wedding day.  I tried not to let her ruin my day, but secretly it was not the day I had hoped for.  There it is, finally out there.  She gave me dirty looks, made guests uncomfortable, and you could seriously cut the air with a knife due to all of the tension. I feel bad because I guess I gave her what she wanted to do to me.  And that was to upset me on the most important day of my life.  So I suppose she won.
I feel horrible because I finally told my husband how I really felt on that day. He knew all a long that she hurt me terribly, but I didn't want to hurt him or ruin that day for him. I must say I have the best hubby and can talk to him about any issue or feeling I'm having (I'm grateful).
 You can't just redo the day.  I have to get over this and just accept that she did what she did and move on.  I have made a decision that is someone I do not want in my life.  I have always just accepted her treating me badly because she was my mom and you just still love your mom no matter what.  That was 33 years too long.  I tried.
I know she has "issues".  Those "issues" by no means gives her any right to treat anyone and her daughter badly.  I am done drinking the BS Koolaid. 
There is a positive to this.  Any bad situation always has a positive and something to learn from.  When we have children, I know what kind of mom I want to be. No mom is perfect, but I know how I was treated and I don't want that for my children.  I think going through all of this, will make me a great mom.  And when that day comes for my daughter or son to get married, I am going to be one excited/happy mom.  How can you not?!
Feel better now.  On another note, I am going to be starting a running blog. I'll post a link as soon as it is created.  I am signing up for a race on St. Paddy's day.  Every year around the time of my birthday, I like to run a race to prove to myself that age is just a number.  So this year I can either run a 7k or a half marathon. I don't know which one to sign up for.  We are having a very mild winter up here in MN and so is most of the country.  So I know it is not going to be super cold that morning. I thought I would sign up for the half because it will not be hot and I want to see how well I do.  I have to prepare for the Chicago Marathon in October.  For some reason I run faster miles running a longer race than a shorter race.  Weird I know!  Maybe I will flip a coin to decide on which race to run.  Or maybe this is just fear making me indecisive.

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